Write My Damn Thesis — Complete

turns out writing essays and July is really fucking dumb hi everybody and welcome to the Roosevelt project the place where alcohol is always an acceptable writing tool today my challenge was to write a minimum of five pages for my thesis just as a rough draft it’s probably steaming pile of crap but that’s okay I’m kind of hold on to my program for writing really good essays and very short amounts of time my personal best as I run a 10 page paper three hours before was due and turned it in and got an a-plus on it it’s not necessarily a great skill to have but I kind of enjoy having it it for another reason then I’m a lazy bastard and I hate writing in lieu of making you watch me write this stupid paper I’m going to describe my writing process to you step 1 do some fucking research this is possibly the shittiest part of the entire process FYI this guy is a what fucking turn up of human being Christopher Hitchens is dead but he can still suck my dick step 2 nap there are a lot of really interesting studies that explain why it’s actually kind of important to have a nap after you take in information because it actually helps you like consolidated better but in my case it’s just the academic writing is really fucking boring and awful and tedious and I need to recover after dealing with that bullshit step number three is my personal least favorite because it involves you staring at a computer and just basically gazing it will be abyss for a very short period of time but it leads into step 4 which is drinking wine is a fundamental part of the writing process so I am two-thirds of the way through this sucker and I’m at the best possible writing place which is where I think that everything that I put on the keyboard is gold and it probably isn’t but what matters is the confidence getting that liquid courage in you i’m just getting like free flowing in that i am the smartest fucking person on the planet plays it’s like the best possible place to write from right drunk edit sober it is incredibly important that you do not pass the happy amazing drunk stage you cannot pass it because what comes after that stage is the I’m awful nothing I write is good and why might have been writing this I should just go play video games stage and while that is a very fun stage when you are writing on a very limited period of time you can’t do it you can’t do it you have to keep writing a reason that I have not finished this bottle of wine is because i am currently in a good place i am in the happy writing place if i have too much more wine i’m going to go play final fantasy and then Rona Ambrose is going to get my fucking money and that’s not fun for me so fuck you run Ambrose now step fuck what step in my own try not to film while you’re drunk kids it doesn’t end well step 5 i’m going with step mud so you’ve gone through the steps you have researched your shit you had an F so it’s all consolidated and buzzing around up here happy and you know what you’re going for you’ve gazed into the abyss if this has gazed into you and you have drink as a result and now you’re ready to write you crank that shit out it is the best thing ever you are not on caps lock but you are on cruise control for awesome so you churn out your shed and once you’re done writing that’s it it’s over shit’s done if you do have the time to go back and edit it when you’re actually sober the next day great if you don’t fuck it it’s only University and it’s only mark it is 1048 p.m. I’m saving this stupid shit that i’m now sending off to be torn apart so I fucking win fuck you Rona Ambrose and conclusion and also this is stupid and I don’t like writing things in summer and I would like to be done school now see you tomorrow